Competing Emotions

Last week, we got our sailing classes lined up! We will be gaining both experience and skills for our new life starting June 20. We get to be on Volare for a few days/nights for the move from Florida to North Carolina. We will be able to get a real sense of what it is like to sail on a catamaran. July 11, we start our classes. It took a bit of searching, but we were able to secure the four classes we need, all in a row, taught by the same instructor. We also booked an extra 2 days for additional practice. We are hoping this will be enough for the insurance folks to approve us without too many additional restrictions. Emotion#1: excited. It will be so awesome to spend time on Volare and to learn how to sail! I am super thrilled (and relieved - emotion #2) to have our sailing classes booked!

Today is the second day of our Open House. There were three other open houses in our neighborhood as well. We had very few lookers yesterday; hopefully, today will bring a few more. We'e had 363 views and 11 saves on Zillow. Our real estate agent said the market has "flattened" in the past couple of weeks. Emotion #3: anxiety. What if our house doesn't sell, or doesn't sell for enough? Our house sell is financing our boat buy. It took me awhile, but I've completely made the mental shift to and emotional investment in the idea that the Adventure Chapter starts in July, on Volare. For my peace of mind, we need to come up with one (or more) Adventure Chapter Alternative Scenarios just in case.

In prepping for the Open House, I've looked at our house from the outside in, rather than the inside out. In the process, I've gained a greater appreciation for home. I love our house and our yard... especially the back yard. It is so fun to watch the perennials come back each year and to anticipate the fruit bounty (or scarcity, depending on the weather god's spring time mood). Many of our backyard "treasures" are related to my dad, so I always feel close to my dad when I am in the backyard. The blue fish is named John. Dad and I got him shortly after we learned of his diagnosis. Dad also brought us the peony and the grape vine. I enjoy adding new flowers to the mix. This year, I planted a random mix of wildflower seeds in several of our pots. The greenery is coming up and the flowers will be following soon. Emotion #4: melancholy. It is hard to leave the things that keep me connected to my dad. It is sad to go before the wildflowers bloom and the fruit ripens. Our backyard is beautiful. Also, I really like dirt and there won't be much dirt on a boat.

We have a buyer for Aurora (the Porsche 911). I'm so glad I had the opportunity to own a Porsche! I wanted a 911 since childhood. A yellow one was what I really wanted. But, hey, Arctic Grey is lovely color as well. I've been through much of the house and have done some of the physical and a lot of the mental sorting of what to keep. With each pass through, I find it easier to let go. This process of letting go of attachments to stuff has been a little difficult, and very healthy. Emotion #5: contentment. I am finding that my whole outlook has shifted from future to present and there is a deep sense of OK-ness in fully experiencing the moment that I am just starting to grasp.

I think this mix of feelings and jumble of thoughts is to be expected. The "let's go live on a boat" idea is not just about changing domiciles, it is about changing the way we approach life each day. I seem to have wondered on to a Zen-like path:

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything — anger, anxiety, or possessions — we cannot be free.”

Thich Nhat Hanh