Purpose in Life?

I've always had a job or been involved in organizations that were about helping people or improving the community in some way... working to tip the scales a bit toward "better"... until now. I am not overtly doing anything to make the world a better place and it feels disconcerting. I've had a kind of mental score card with three columns: "Did Something Worthwhile" (made a positive contribution); "Got Something Worthwhile" (which could be intangible like the feeling of wonder experienced when watching a beautiful sunset or the joy of laughing with friends or something concrete like a sailboat); and, the third "Caused Harm" (made a situation worse, hurt someone, used plastic wrap). The goal was to make the value of the first column greater than the value of the sum of columns 2 and 3. The purpose of my life was to attain Net Positivity.

I evolved this mindset from my parents. My mom has two main Did Something Worthwhile strategies: she practices unconditional love as a way of being with others and she makes the world around her more beautiful. She sees the value of creating welcoming, warm, inviting, lovely environments. From her, I have learned that unconditional love and aesthetics are the gauge for determining what is Worthwhile. My dad had a fourth column that we (meaning mostly me) called "Suffering Points." Suffering Points are gained when one makes a choice to self-sacrifice or to be less comfortable than is really necessary. At its core, this is about putting the needs of others (or the environment) ahead of one's own comfort or convenience. Suffering Points are subtracted from the sum of Got Something Worthwhile and Caused Harm. Dad excelled at Suffering Points. When he decided to buy a new car (Got Something Worthwhile), he specifically searched for one without power windows (Suffering Points). It took him months to find the one new Versa in all of the Western United States with windows you had to manually roll down. Dad wasn't a slacker on the Did Something Worthwhile front and I'm certain he would have attained Net positivity even without the Suffering Points, but I think he liked the challenge of Suffering Points.

Since I am now unemployed, not involved in any community groups, and have decreased my charitable giving (due to unemployment), I need to re-evaluate how to attain net positivity. While I'm ok with some level of Suffering Points, I'd rather not depend on Suffering Points to get me to Net Positive. I may be rationalizing, but I'm considering a couple of things... First off, Did Something Worthwhile can include things like shopping local, being kind, and being a good listener. Basically, we have an opportunity to score Did Something Worthwhile points each day based on the manner in which we live. I'm also thinking that there could be fifth column, "Genuine Gratitude." Genuine Gratitude would work like Suffering Points in that it would decrease the negative sum, but it would only apply to the Got Something Worthwhile column. A fleeting thought of "I'm lucky or blessed or thankful" doesn't cut it. Genuine Gratitude requires reflection, introspection and acknowledgement of the forces, persons, or circumstances that resulted in the Worthwhile gain. Bonus points are available for recognizing something difficult or painful as Worthwhile and expressing Genuine Gratitude for the experience.

Starting in March or April, weather dependent, we will begin living on Aevits, our Outbound 46 sailboat. I'm thinking that living on a sailboat will provide lots of opportunity for Genuine Gratitude. We will have the best seats around for sunrises and sunsets and will experience to Mother Nature's magic everyday. In the Did Something Worthwhile category, we will be scoring a few points for shrinking our carbon footprint and living a life more in harmony with the planet. Caused Harm has a lot to do with not fully considering consequences due to stress of some kind and a regulating factor is mindfulness. Mindfulness is much easier to accomplish when living at a slower pace and not striving to achieve or accumulate. And, without a doubt, Suffering Points will be pretty easy to come by as living with a dog in a small space that is continuously moving will pose some comfort and convenience challenges.

I'm thinking Net Positive is still possible when shifting from working for a better world to living a better life.

I don't want to earn my living. I want to live. Oscar Wilde